Friday, February 25, 2011

Fucking hell..
I think I am obsessed with sex..
Why is it that I am always wanting it..
Nvm

Sigh...Sometimes I guess love can only grow more if a certain distance was kept..
Yeah maybe I should start keeping a distance away from Addy..
Honestly sometimes I wonder whether he treasure me or not..
Yeah yeah I know its not fair for me to be like this..
But honestly sometimes its just so hard for me to see..
maybe cus I am only looking from my point of view..
And the only time when I really know is when we have sex..
Ahhh maybe thats why I love sex so much..
Whatever..

Lemme be emo today..
No one understands me..not even Addy.
No one knows how a total disaster I am deep down inside..
And its all this stupid facade..
The thing is that I have such a huge pride..
So huge that I wont show you..
But even if I show you..you will never ever understand the pain and sufferings I go through deep down inside

I want to cry out my sorrows..
but I have no place to cry..
So I bottle it all up in this jar of mine..when eventually it will burst and overflow
What exactly is happiness?
I know that the cheery side of me knows it soo well..but its always complicated by me..
I hate this world..I hate this artificial world that is man-made..and so ruined by humans..
Music no longer sound natural, things become more complicated..and we lose sight of our origins..
We belong to nature, yet now all we do is destroy them..Now nature is taking its revenge..
This world is such a sad sad world..Whats there to hope when the end of the world will eventually come? Why are we coming up with so much dumb stuff when its slowly killing us..

Life's simple pleasures..what happened to it?
Its no longer simple..Its so complicated, its ridiculously absud
I wish that I dont belong in this world..
Maybe thats the reason for all these fantasy and virtual reality..
because we all want an escape..an escape to a better world out there..
The irony being most of the "paradise" they visualised is full of nature, no internet, no wires, no radiation..and without these most people rather die..
What a useless race..so fake..

People no longer want to be themselves..they no longer live as themselves..
All they care is to satisfy their selfish desires..
Or dwell in dumb beliefs..
Personally I think the world will be a better place if the human race was wiped out..
Yes including me..
I will leave with no regrets..because I feel happy for all the creatures that are safe from us..
However, now that you think about it..
The damage done by humans will take years and maybe even centuries to heal..
And the sad thing is that it may not be us that have to clean up the mess made by those before us..its all the next generations..

Then whats the point of living?
Whats the point of bringing innocent lives to suffer for the mistakes that we made?
And..Whats the point of loving someone when you know that there is a possibility of it all being wasted?

If I exist as one entity, I will be here updating my blog..
Its only because of the more humane side of me that kept me alive for so long..
but maybe maybe there will be a chance for me to end it all..
for I dont see the meaning in life...

Emo. Me.


Thursday, February 24, 2011

That was fucking good sex xD
Doesnt sound like the guai and seemingly innocent murong right?

Yeah i did say this blog was for my dark side/secrets I would not want to share with the world right?
Heh..
Anyway Addy is back and alive, good riddance..
and I am staying overnight at his house..and of course..
SEX
hahahahaha I sound like some perv but who cares?
Well..I love it when I am the one being in power and causing moans from him
but its always nice to be dominated
Even though I only came once, I have to say sex in the dark is exciting
and I taught him that there are more places to touch then just the breasts..
After all, I realised that my waist is a rather sensitive part O.o
Especially when it is being stroked..

Okok enough with the details..
Round 2 later..
Cant wait to let him feel pleasure beyond this world hahaha..
P.S I really sound super perv

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Love hurts..
Yeah..honestly every time that something happens which caused my heart to hurt..
I will have the thought to run away from it...
To really break up with Addy and live life by myself..

No one will know the pain I went through..
I had to put aside everything to spend time with him..delaying all my work..
I had to stay strong even though I am on the verge of break down..
And..when I stay overnight at his house..I cant sleep because of the lights and the sounds..
Addy always plays till super late..
I was really super super tired..and desperately need my sleep..
But I dont want to spoil his fun..
Especially when he did something that stupid..
YES sorry this is my emo and selfish blog..
Lemme vent it all out

Yeah its stupid because he never thought of himself, his family and me..
WHAT IF YOU END UP IN HOSPITAL YOU IDIOT
Sigh...Sometimes I wonder whether its because I let him off so easily all the time..

Now I have to rush my ass off to finish all those things..
ALL REQUIRING URGENT ATTENTION..
FUCK..yeah..
I know its unreasonable to blame him..
Because actually I can dun give a damn about him and let him rot and die..
But DAMMIT.. I cant..
DAMMIT...I love him..
and DAMMIT..
Because I love him..
My heart hurts like fuck..
I worry so much...and I AM the one worrying for his family..
DO YOU KNOW THAT YOUR MUM IS LIKE HAVING CONSTANT HEADACHES AFTER ALL THAT FUSS??!!
Honestly, I respect his mum a lot, especially since she treats me so nicely..
so thats why..I was super disappointed with him when he did it on purpose..
yeah maybe he was really in depression..
That I cannot blame..

But.. But..
I hate it when I am affected by my emotions..
I hate to lose control..
Yet you made me lose control..
Which is why I hate it..
yet I am so addicted to it that I cant let go..
And to tell the truth..
Love is the reason why I still stayed strong for you..

Sunday, February 20, 2011

I always believed that there are 2 sides of a person..a Good and a Dark side..
Being a mix of both ensured that you stay human..not a saint..nor a devil..
The Grey area
But there is no good without evil and no evil without good..
So this blog will only be dedicated to my deepest and darkest sides which I myself refused to face..Wont be much updates..

Please do not take these seriously and think that I am a super evil, selfish and emo person..its just a part of me that prefer not to show..because some things are meant to be hidden..