Now that I think about it...

Why did I even suggest the stupid idea in the 1st place?

The one that once he gets into Uni, we break up so that he can try other relationships

Yes its true that I am sheltering him too much for him to grow..

but still...I am worried..and scared that he will leave me..

And his greatest weakness is that he can only love one person at a time..

I worry that once he finds someone else,

he falls in love..and then even though the girl may not be as good as me,

he dun have the heart to leave her and break up with her..

so in the end..I will be the one left alone because of the circumstances..

this is what I foresee will happen..

Once you hold on to love, you must really hold on to it else you may never find it again..

But I know he needs to grow,

he needs to learn..

And I have no choice but to let go, for his sake..

Selfishly I really dun want to let go..

But its for his good, its for his future..I will let go..

Its a super big risk considering the heart and effort I place into him..

And despite all the super hurtful words i posted here about him..

I have to say..

I really love him truly from the bottom of my heart..

For now, I think i just focus on my life

then await my impending doom..

lolx..

and treasure the time we have left till that fateful day..

AHHHRHHRHRHRHRH I AM SO MAD WITH NTU

Sorry for that but STILLL

I PUT IN SO MUCH FREAKING EFFORT AND STILL CANT GET ADDY IN?!!

I AM SO INSULTED...

COME ON..HE IS IN A FREAKING SCIENCE COURSE

WHICH PART OF IT IS AN INDICATOR THAT HE CANNOT MAKE THE SWITCH TO AN ARTS COURSE?

SERIOUSLY??!!!FUCK..

Oh YOU MEAN I MUST REALLY USE MY FULL EFFORT?

SIAO

sigh.....I dunno what to do or how to break the news..especially when his mum opened his letter without consent...

FUCK EVERYONE..

SERIOUSLY WHY CANT YOU LEARN TO RESPECT YOUR SON?

WHY CANT YOU ASSERT MORE POWER OVER YOUR SON?
ARGHHHHHHH........

RAWRRRRR........

I AM REALLY REALLY REALLY MAD RIGHT NOW..

NTU LISTEN I KNOW RANKINGS AND STUFF IS IMPORTANT

BUT NOW YOU ARE NOT GIVING PEOPLE ANY CHANCE TO CHANGE FOR THE BETTER
I DONT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT GRADES..

ITS JUST SO NOT FAIR.

SO SO SO NOT FAIR

HATE YOU HATE YOU

YOU TELL ME...YOU TELL ME HOW MUCH OF THE STUDENTS IN ADM ACTUALLY DOES COMMERCIAL WORK.

AND NOW YOU REJECT ONE WITH EXPERIENCE IN THE FIELD

WHAT SORT OF LOUSY MENTALITY AND LOUSY SORTING OUT OF TALENTS YOU ARE?!!

OHHHhhh I BET SOME LOUSY GUY WITH ART WITH GOOD RESULTS GOT IN?

THIS FRICKING DEFEATS THE PURPOSE OF THE EDUCATION?!

YOU TELL ME HOW MUCH STUDENTS IN ADM DROP OUT EACH YEAR..

YET NOW YOU ARE REJECTING ONE THAT WILL ACTUALLY BEAR THROUGH THE 4 YEARS OF TORTURE?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!

You guys rock NTU no kidding rock.

Dearest Addy,

Yesterday I was crying and crying..upset over so many things..I really do hate menstruation..sigh..I am not as strong as I think..Things that really got to me..

1. You think that I am not making much effort in this relationship

That hurts so much..Everytime, I am the one who has to spend money and time and energy going over to your house. Its not like I got anything to gain from staying over at your house at all.. you don't get it..No one gets it..no one understands the pain inside me..no one understands the effort i put in..No one gives a damn about me anyway..Just leave me alone..I dun need anyone..more of I dun need any guys in my life anymore..love is fun. but whats the fun when the only person who seem to appreciate is me? You want to play and have fun, but at the expense of people's feelings..I think you should just grow up, but yet part of me tells me that there is no way to rush the growing process...Maybe we are just not suited for each other in terms of timing..

2. You say that I am too much in control of myself

This is unavoidable.. You want to test my limit..but I really dont want to..because I know that once my control breaks, I am a total mess. No it will not be filled with hyperness and honesty and what you think is within control. No. It will be sadness, the kind that can break your heart over and over again. I have so much negative thoughts buried in me. So so much. All my positive thoughts I always release them, but not my negative thoughts. You want me to show that side, but what if you cannot stand the consequences it brings? I dont think you can. Why? Because every time i have menstruation, a little side of that is shown. And you cant even take that side of me I seriously doubt that you can take it when I go haywire. What you see is just the tip of an iceberg.. Well fine, you want to test it, but DONT BLAME ME when you get hurt from it. Because once I lose control, I am an unreasonable, selfish and uncaring bitch. And I may just tell you to break up with me because of that. No you will never care about the consequences. And that is a fatal mistake

3. You want more surprises

I am not loaded with money. I have ideas, but I can only carry them in the form of small surprises..WHY CANT YOU SEE THEM? WHY CANT YOU APPRECIATE THEM? WHY? WHY? Sometimes I really think that you take me for granted. You take everything for granted and ALL YOU CARE IS ABOUT YOURSELF. YOUR OWN HAPPINESS. NOT YOUR WELL BEING, BUT ALL ABOUT YOURSELF YOURSELF YOUSELF...Selfish ignorant insensitive jerk. Sorry, but thats how I feel if I have to scold you. oh and add in unreasonable. I dont want to end up in scars from maintaining this relationship. Maybe I should really just break up with you until you learnt your lesson.

Screw it and I didnt study a thing for my exam later...oh and Maybe, I should just stay single for life. More fun that way. Less tiring too.